When someone offends or upsets us we naturally think F YOU!🤭
However, the most powerful F-Word you will ever use is forgiveness.
Even if you have been a Christian for a long time sometimes the hardest thing to get past our lips is forgiveness. Yet, when we learn to respond to an offence not by saying
F-YOU with what comes to mind naturally, (lol we would never) but by relearning to say I FORGIVE YOU then we are going to see great things flow into our lives.
Forgiveness is letting go of our own desire for vengeance and placing justice and judgement in God’s hands.
Forgiveness for a Christian is not routed in altruism but flows as a response to the forgiveness we have received.
When we withhold forgiveness it is a direct result of not fully grasping what God has forgiven us from. When we REALLY start to understand the magnitude of what God has forgiven in our lives it becomes absurd to withhold it from others. Forgiveness essentially aligns us more with God. As famously said by Alexander Pope said "To err is human; to forgive, divine,"
Forgiveness is one of life's greatest misconceptions. It appears to be about the other person and for their benefit but thats not true. When we forgive we are the ones who gain. We are washed with a sense of peace and our minds/hearts released to engage in more fruitful things.
"It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody." - Maya Angeluo
Unforgiveness keeps another person in control of your emotions and even actions. Something Justin Bieber sang recently, yes I did just reference the Biebster!
Unforgiveness is a poison we drink in hope of hurting the other person. It is really stupid. Yet, we all do it.
Forgiveness is not the arena of the weak but the strong. It is what we see in the courage of Jesus. When He was being tortured and killed He shouted to his father to forgive the people doing it. This could never be seen as weakness. When we forgive as we have been forgiven we align ourselves with God.
Do I need to tell them I have forgiven them?
No. In a word. Remember this is about your heart not theirs primarily. If they are aware of the offence and that they have hurt you then telling them 'I have forgiven you' can be a powerful mode of healing. Many times though a person can be either unaware or more often too proud to see their mistakes. In this case I would say that it is often like 'feeding pearls to pigs' (Bible) to tell them you have forgiven them. Also what is your motive? I know it sucks to be called out on this but I know I have told people I have forgiven them as a back handed way of pointing out their faults and trying to take the moral high ground. Yeah I can be a looser! 😂 Truth be known I think we have all done that, am I right? It sure is tempting isn't it! We know we should forgive, so let's just make sure we turn some of that into ammunition... oh the human heart!
So before feeling the need to tell someone they are forgiven ask yourself, is it for THEIR benefit, their real benefit, ok then tell them. If it is going to release them from guilt/shame or even help them realise the extent of the trauma, then sure. I have found more often recently than forgiveness without saying anything is often better. Another wild card is organisations which wound especially for Christians this can be the church. This can be hugely damaging and there is much to be read about spiritual abuse. There is a difference between forgiving something and trying to ensure patterns of behaviour are acknowledged and changed to ensure the same mistakes are not repeated. That is for another post!
What forgiveness isn't!
Forgiven not forgotten. The pain of being wronged can linger for a long time even after you have forgiven. Forgiveness uncouples you from the crappy stinky offence and allows you to move away. When you don't forgive you drag that crap around with you, and it doesn't smell good! As you forgive and move away sure you will remember the hurt now and again but it begins to shrink in your rear view mirror you think about it less and the pain lessons. God can accelerate this process too! So if something had hurt you then try asking the Holy Spirit to help move you away a bit faster.
It is not a one time deal. Sometimes you have to keep forgiving someone because what they did was so significant that it causes resentment to rise in you. Some people may tell you that this is 'because you haven't really forgiven'. That is not true, or at least it is not always true. It is totally human to have feelings and emotions plague you for a little while. What happens if someone causes you an ‘injury’ that you have to live with the rest of your life. This injury will be a reminder that can bring back resentment and thus the need for forgiveness. These injuries can be physical emotional or spiritual. You are not a bad person or faulty if this is the case. There is someone I have to keep forgiving as their offence was so damaging to me and my family. It used to be that I felt desire for a level of vengeance which would have put me in prison. I had to forgive them daily. Having practiced forgiveness and repeatedly asking God for His help it’s now only ever so often. Forgiveness takes the power out of offence.
Forgive, don't relive. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you have to allow things to carry on as they did. There can be consequences. I've removed people from my life when they insist on toxic behaviour. I forgive them but I am not reliving the pain over and over because they cannot get they don’t choose to be kind to me. That’s is ok, boundaries are not for them, they are for you! We must, must forgive. Even if it starts through gritted teeth, I have found personally that it can be an act of my will until it becomes an act of my heart. You may be told by others that if you set new boundaries this is a sign that you do not love the person or that you have not forgiven. This is not true. Setting boundaries is about respecting yourself. If people do not have your best interests at heart I suggest setting firm boundaries that limit the damage they can cause. Forgive any offence, don't be a douche bag, if you can be open about the boundary you are setting and why. People will not adjust their behaviour until they can see that their actions require change.
Next steps
Who has offended you the most? Who do you harbour resentment towards and pray for aliens to magically appear and vaporise, oh thats just me then?! (pray for me)
Take 5 mins heck take 2 mins just to sit and ask God to forgive them. Ask Jesus to help you see their brokenness as just that, and to love them as He does.
Today let forgiveness allow you to uncouple yourself from the sewer of resentment and bitterness which you have been dragging behind you and allow peace, light and life to flow in to your life .
This week when someone hacks you off think about saying 'F-You' make that choice in your mind to respond with forgiveness. Jesus has forgiven you and so I FORGIVE YOU too.
You offer forgiveness because you have been wounded. Some wounds heal up and some leave permanent damage. That is not a lack of faith, Jesus has scars, ruined parts of His body. I have written an articles about how to give these ruins purpose which you may find a real encouragement. Ruins and Refuge
The world is becoming increasingly polarised, angry, triggered, resentful… offering forgiveness is so powerful & counter cultural.
Big love
Joss ❤️
#verseoftheday #bibleverse #forgiveness #forgive #bible #preach #christian #judgementalpeople #judging #f #fword #fyou #jesusculture
Comments