Understanding the roles these guys play will position you for great success in life, get it wrong and the results can be disastrous!
We need to begin with a little story because it will help explain things later, so just stick with me!
A few summers ago I was at a large christian festival with over 10,000 people and about 2,000 had opted for a 'catered package'. Catering problems plagued the event with thousands of people either not having their food on time or not at all. Eeek 😬! Many churches opted to do their own catering, my church catering leader was talking about how bad the main contractors for the festival were doing. He is a talented guy and had just started a catering company for smaller events etc. We will call him Bob. Bob said how awesome it would be to get the contract for the entire festival next year. Now I don't know everything about catering, but I do know a bit. I grew up in hotels, my Dad managed the largest hotel in Scotland at one time with huge banqueting. I grew up seeing huge kitchens manned with an army of chefs and other kitchen staff, there is lots of specialised equipment and so on. Mostly I remember the fallout when things didn't go right! Arrggh stress!!
Bob is a top fella, so when he said he would like to get the contract my first thought was, 'yes cool', followed quickly by, 'what a huge undertaking it would be'. I know easy it is to underestimate how much work goes in to preparing meals for hundreds, let alone thousands. I was thinking of the infrastructure, the size of the team etc. So keen to be encouraging and, being in business myself, wanting to be constructive. I said 'mate I think you could do it, however, you would need to get some relevant experience between now and next years gig and really think through how you do something like this...' As we were talking a chap shouted to Bob 'mate you could do it, EASILY!', he went on... 'no sweat, you would smash it, I will help'. This chap is another nice guy and helps Bob' new catering start up from time to time. Let's call him Chris. I was impressed with his enthusiasm but not as much with his naivety. Remember this discussion is only hapening because the current catering company is failing, leaving hundreds without food and causing chaos at this festival. One thing catering for 1000s of people certainly isn't is 'easy'! I said to Chris, 'I think you guys can do it for sure, but it's not easy to cater for that amount of people, there is so much to learn and get to grips with in a short amount of time to grow to a contract of that size...' Chris cut me off, 'Nah we could do it Bob, it's easy, you just pick the right dishes, we do the prep, get a decent team together...'. The conversation moved on and we enjoyed some laughs.
The next day Bob was sorting the catering for the church venue, about 80-90 people. I had volunteered to help out and was with him and couple of others making lunch. They had hired in a few decent sized ovens and were doing jacket potatoes, so nice and simple. We were having fun prepping and I suggested we get the potatoes in early because they can take longer than you think. Bob thought we had plenty of time but said 'sure why not get them going'. The oven trays were filled with potatoes, stacked on each other a few deep. So I told Bob that once I double layered jacket potatoes when I worked as chef and they didn't cook, Bob said 'well we have loads of extra time so they will be fine let's just get them in.' I am sure you can guess where this is heading...! It was 30 minutes to go and the potatoes had already been cooking about 1.5 hours but were nowhere near ready. 😬 Bob agreed we had a problem, 90 people were soon going to be lunch-less. He asked what I thought we should do?! I suggested we tip a load of the potatoes out so there is only one layer so the heat can get at them and we then 'nuke' (microwave) the others. The aim was to have good few ready from the microwaves so we could start serving as people trickled in leaving the majority in the oven as long as possible to finish.
It was a stressful wee 30mins, microwaves on full chat, ovens blasting at full heat and as people arrived we started and though a few waited 10 minutes we pulled it off!
Bob said when as we were cleaning, 'thanks mate, you really helped bail us out there!'.
It is an odd little story... but taking the next lesson on board will set you up for a better life! Yes its that important!
That afternoon God spoke to me about coaches and cheerleaders. The irony was obvious, the previous evening we had been discussing catering for 1500 people. Chris had said how easy it was, that Bob was awesome and could do it without any problem. Yet 12 hours later doing 90 lunches was near catastrophe.
Sure this story is very minor and totally trivial, but God made sure I really took notice. He said to me, 'in life you need coaches and cheerleaders, but never get the two confused'. I knew what He meant straight away and thought about my own life where I had seen the same. Where had I confused the two over the years and what was the result?
Bob is talented, he really is, but he would need a coach, someone who knows more to allow him to go further, especially to a catering contract for thousands. Like a tennis player or footballer, we need someone who knows a lot about the subject, who has experience, who more than often has overcome failure and someone with wins under their belt.
A cheerleader will be like Chris, they will shout with enthusiasm! They don't provide training, tactics, or a method by which to win. That's not their job after all! They can be a great person to be around, but yelling 'you're awesome!' isn't going help to much when we don't know what we are doing and certainly won't provide us the skills for repeatable success.
When it comes to winning in life we need good people to coach us, if you want to have success in your finances have someone who can coach you in this area, in relationships and marriage the same, in how to tell people about Jesus we need some coaching from someone who is excellent at it, to succeed in your career etc. The rule applies to every area of life.
Cheerleaders are awesome too!
I have a friend who is good at running and does regular events, sometimes me and my daughter will go and cheer them on. They always say how much they appreciate it. I went to a marathon race recently and noticed that as runners get to the last few hundred meters of the race, despite being totally exhausted, the energy of the crowd cheering them helps them sprint to the end. A cheerleader can stop us from quitting, 'keep going, you can do it!!', they can enthuse even the most exhausted to have one last push. The Bible refers to us running a race several times, in Hebrews 12 we are told that 'a great crowd' in heaven are watching us, so the writer cheers us on by saying, 'cast off all that is slowing you down...run!' (Vs1-2). Fun fact; football teams do statistically better at home than away where they have the majority support in the stadium!
A cheerleader can stop you from quitting when you are exhausted
So both cheerleaders and coaches are great, but we mustn't get them confused. Chris was cheering on Bob, but would have cheered him on to failure. Bob would have been the one with egg on his face. A coach would train Bob, show him how to succeed, make him aware of potential problem areas, share their own failings and how Bob could avoid those etc etc. Life is a race, it's the great game, we need people around us who will cheer us on but we also need people who will show us how to win.
I thought about what makes a coach and what makes a cheerleader and what we can learn and think about for our own lives. Here goes...
Coaches
Extensive knowledge and experience in a specific area
Has both the capacity and desire to help us succeed
Will push us beyond our comfort zone
They pull us out when we're injured before we get badly hurt
They invest in us behind the scenes, off the pitch
They don't seek the applaud of the crowd but the respect of the player
Coaches don't just show up on game day, in fact 99% of their work is done 'off the field'. They ask the hard questions and they give us ever higher standards to attain. They help us critique our previous actions and learn from them. They will share their insights and give us some wisdom for training. Coaches realise that the days when we are up against it aren't won because of a trick on the day but becuase of consistency in training every day before. A constant lie of our generation is that people made it quick and easily. This is almost never true! When we see a tennis champion win we are looking at years of training, getting up at 5am for the gym, heading to work/college followed by hitting the courts afterwards for hours. They will practice one type of shot over and over, a serve over and over, dashing the court length and back over and over...!! A champion is made through a commitment to winning habits. A coach will work on these habits, invest in our character, it's not the sexy stuff... in fact quite often it's pretty monotonous. Here is another thing, coaches get up close and personal! They have full locker room access, they get behind the scenes and must have transparency from us to do their job. That means we have to trust the people we have coaching us 100%, if we don't totally trust our coach we won't let them get close enough to really make the difference. Finally a coach tries to avoid serious hurt and will pull a player when they first get injured to avoid bigger problems. The coach plays the long game avoiding scenarios that will get them injured. They are ring side ready to throw in the towel before their man gets badly hurt.
A champion is made through a commitment to winning habits.
The Bible is full of examples of coaching, God, though much, much more, is coaching us to succeed in all areas of life. Jesus said to His disciples come 'follow me and I will make you...', there is the explicit aim that in spending time with Him the disciples would be coached. The Bible describes Barnabus coaching Paul who in turn coached Timothy and so on. A great coach does not lead a person to dependence on them but to maturity. A great coach often gets little recognition, just take Barnabus as an example, he was instrumental in Paul's journey but gets little mention really. We as disciples of Jesus are in His school, learning His ways, that's what it means to be a disciple.
I am part of a church which puts a large emphasis on members having a designated mentor. These are very much coaching relationships. Your church may do something similar or maybe it is something for you to suggest! There are loads of tips for getting the best out of a coaching / mentor relationship. I think the key one is to have defined goals. You both need to know what your are aiming for and as much as possible in a measurable way.
A great coach doesn't lead a person to dependence but to maturity
Cheerleaders
Remind you of your strengths
Encourage you to win
Push you to the finish line when your exhausted
Drown out the negativity
Enourgage others to support you and Increase your Influnce
These are people who will encourage you and keep your spirits up. These people are often attracted to talent / gifting and so when you're doing well they will get excited about you. They shout loud enough for others to hear, will tell others how good you are and expand your influence. They don't like anything that they deem as negative, they will just cheer louder. An example fo this was Chris telling Bob how easy it would be when I we were talking about the logistics of catering for so many. This means they are good at drowning out negativity and lies from the enemy, but be careful, they can misunderstand wisdom and advice as negativity and thus try and shout over the voice of coaches! They don't need all access, they don't need to understand how you do what you do, they don't need to know all the habits and hard work. In fact they wont be cheering you for that, it is just not sexy enough. Cheerleaders don't cheer during your training! You don't need to earn their support through hard work but rather they are attracted to simply winning. The challenge of this is that they can be a little 'easy come easy go' being just as keen to cheer on the next person if you suffer a few losses. As a pastor I have experienced my share of this, ouch, as will many of you in other walks of life! So, don't go dismissing your cheerleaders, they have real purpose. They will help you get other supporters and when you need a lift mid race they will spur you on. If your having a bad day, a coffee with a cheerleader will make you feel brighter!
Cheerleaders will gain you influence, coaches will make you worthy.
Don't miss Coaching Moments!
Everyday has coachable moments, whether it be listening to advice or taking correction. One of the biggest opportunities is when dealing with critique. This has been the hardest thing to learn and practice. I will be the first to admit that I have by no means mastered this, but I'm convinced that excelling in life absolutely requires learning the skill of treating criticism as coaching. We see a great example of coaching in the Bible comes when Moses father in law, Jethro, visits in Exodus 18. He sees how Moses is leading and gives him some harsh critique, 'What you are doing is not good.' Moses could have been offended and lets his offence miss the opportunity to develop and improve his life. I know I have had times where I have been too proud to take correction or advice and as a result have lost opportunities to grow.
Please don't mix them up!
I know that looking back when I was pastoring my last church I had lots of cheerleaders but few coaches. When I was stumbling and struggling to run the race the cheerleaders soon disappeared. One of my (many) mistakes in life, was not seeking out enough trusted people that could speak truthfully and correctively. There wasn't anyone close to me or us as a couple in the areas we really wanted to win, we had a lot of young guys who didn't know much and the senior leaders I discovered were ready to lie and deceive rather than do the hard work of coaching. They were cheerleaders masquerading as coaches.
Can you imagine a basketball final, 30 seconds from the final buzzer, the coach calls a time out and then says 'I am not sure what to do, so let's ask one of the cheerleaders what to do..' we would think they had lost their mind! How often do we do this with our lives, about things much more important than a basketball game!? I have been in situations where people are asking their cheerleaders if they should quit on their marriage... and the cheerleaders say yes!!! They are not the coaches they don't want people to do the hard thing, the right thing, they just want them to keep playing. They will look for quick wins even if it means they loose the league!
Some final thoughts for us
So Bob may or may not have a crack at the festivals catering in the future. What I do know is that he needs the right coaches to succeed if he does. I know that no matter what contracts he takes on it will be a strength to have cheerleaders like Chris shouting for him. Nevertheless, I hope you will agree, that he definitely doesn't want to take advice from his cheerleader.
Think about some key areas of your life... work, ministry, family, marriage, investments, learning etc etc... who do you have coaching you in those areas?
Maybe you are about to quit on your marriage. DON'T ask one of your cheerleaders!!! I have seen this many times in relationships, people are encouraged to leave their spouses and seek their own happiness. This is despite the fact God says He hates divorce and Jesus said clearly it was only for the hard hearted... a coach will always say don't take the easy way out, dig deep, get to work, graft, sacrifice, keep making the plays, keep practicing forgiveness, keep pushing yourself. A coach will demand locker room access, total transparency which means they can help guide you to fix the root of the root of the problems. A coach will be focused on you finishing as a champion.
Maybe you are struggling with addiction. Don't go to a cheerleader for advice. You need some tough love from a coach. You need to submit to the plan of a coach who has your freedom as their goal. These sorts of things are often very hard to do alone. Then get some cheerleaders to cheer you on, to celebrate your efforts.
Maybe you are struggle to understand the Bible? Get a coach. Someone who knows the Bible well and is willing to give their time in exchange for you giving them consistent time to teach you and doing the homework they set.
You get the idea!!!
I hope this has been helpful!?
When God spoke to me about it the new clarity really helped me understand the different roles people can play in our lives and how we benefit from both.
Some great thoughts on a biblical perspective and some 'how to' for coaching I recommend Robert Logan's paper on Biblical Foundations of Coaching.
Can you help me?😇 If you have found this read helpful and you feel it could be to others it would really mean a lot to me if you shared it! Tag me on socials so I can say thanks too!
Big love
Joss
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